Why is it so many relationships have ended in confusion? Why is it so many people end up single after thinking the person they were with was the one for them? Why is it so many couples ‘break up’ rather than lovingly separate?

Why do so many relationships either continue or end with confusion and hurt? 

So many of us enter a relationship with no idea of what it takes to actually have a relationship, we are unaware and naive to the challenges and times of growth that present themselves to us, in fact we have no idea a relationship is a place to grow or heal and instead we let fear run the show, we let fear make decisions for us that neither serve ourselves or our relationships. 

The thing is we don’t even know fear is running the show, we are unaware of the effect it has on our relationships, we can’t understand why we argue with each other or become jealous, or why we can’t be authentic with each other. There is no trust, simply because no one asked for it to be there in the first place. 

Our relationships are our greatest teachers.

They will teach us all we ever need to know, but we just don’t see it that way. We get lost in the experience, a whirlwind of emotions and feelings pummel us into a fearful submission. 

On the other hand, if we come into our relationships with awareness of ourselves and how we want our relationship to look and feel we can chop and change as we go along, with a willingness to be courageous and make choices that serve ourselves and our relationships we can create fulfilling and loving connections that last, whether the relationship continues or not, the connections stays… 

The reason our relationships are our greatest teachers is because our intimate Partners will reflect us like mirrors, we will literally see ourselves in the mirrors they hold up to us and with awareness we can see exactly where we need to grow the most in our own personal development. Whatever area of growth is most needed is the challenge we will find in our Partners as the time goes on and our love deepens, this is why we keep people at arms length, this is why we are so afraid to love deeply, it shows us all that which we do not wish to see. 

We don’t want to see our shadow, we don’t want to face our feelings, we don’t want to feel fear, we see it as negative, we avoid it at all costs. 

Our relationships can be incredible if we are willing to create them that way.

If we are willing to be self-aware, if we are willing to continue to grow as life’s challenges come our way. If we are willing to look at ourselves in an honest way and take full responsibility for how are relationship is or isn’t growing, our lives will change for the better. 

It takes courage, it takes strength and it takes love and compassion to create beautiful relationships without needless confusion and hurt, will it always be perfect? I doubt it very much, but that is part of the beauty, that is the chance to grow, embrace the imperfections, we can embrace the challenges and muster all the courage and willingness we can possibly muster to create fulfilling, loving relationships. 

We don’t need to argue all the time, we don’t need to miscommunicate, we don’t need to be dishonest, we don’t need to be confused about what each other is thinking or feeling, we don’t need to hide away from our fears and the power of our emotions, we can create our relationships one step at a time and I want to show you a bit of how we can do this right now. 

What needs to happen is for us to ask ourselves questions.

We must question our motives, our vision, our thoughts, our feelings and of course our actions… We must become self-aware. 

Before we even enter a relationship we must become aware of what we actually want by asking ourselves these questions:

How do I want this relationship to look and feel, what’s my vision? How do I visualise this relationship?

How do I envision my partner being? (Are they right for me?) 

How do I envision me being with my partner? (What are my actions, values and beliefs).

What does a fulfilling partnership look like to me?These questions are so simple, yet can change the course of our relationships for ever..

I encourage and invite you to write these out and take some time really feeling into what you really want, write it all down in detail, feel it with your heart. 

The second set of questions to ask ourselves (if we are in a relationship right now) are these:  

Does my current relationship look and feel the way I envisioned it?

If not, then firstly, why not? Seriously ask yourself this….. Why not!?

And secondly, what can you do about that right now? What action must be taken to move your relationship in the direction of your vision for how you want it to look and feel?

Wow, can you feel the power in these questions?

Just from these questions, we have stepped fully into our personal power, we have taken responsibility for our life, for our relationship and for ourselves… Not only that but we have created an awareness of what we really want and also what we really don’t want.

Feel into your past relationships, or the one you are in now… How would your relationship transform if you really knew what you want and you aligned that with your past or current experience? How much more aware would you be of your own thoughts, feelings and actions in your relationships if you questioned them? 

Who would you be? What would you create?